Journal circa 2008?

 

 

 

 

-

Extravagance on the lam,

w/ gaudy flaunts of decadence,

Preening outside the story,

And inside the lie.

Finery tasting the ineffable,

Engulfing the snare,

At a moment’s notice,

This Executive Decision.

 

 

 

-

Today I awoke to hapless bird calls.

I wondered why so edgy, so flighty,

Those twitching uneasy birds.

 

Did I oversleep? Delirium?

Delusion? Dream? Nightmare?

It was Wednesday.

Things were clearing up,

Becoming focused,

Gravity ruled,

Ground was solid,

The wind still blew,

Birds still flew…

 

As I drove I wondered

Where did last night go?

Things were a blur,

Short memory fell away

Like passing road signs.

I rolled down the window,

Dried clammy hands in the air,

Someone thought I waved…

 

I gazed for a moment

On a fixed point

Neither here,

Nor there.

I sighed…

No reply.

I’m in the thick of it,

Metal and glass,

Rubber and plastic,

A panorama of estrangement

Spread out before me.

 

An abyss of blank thoughts,

Hot dead air.

Destination draws a blank.

I couldn’t even remember

Where I came from,

Nor where I was going.

Total collapse of cognition.

Brain firing blanks

At my nervous system,

Whilst the entire system

Outside was nervous,

Spuratic and frantic.

 

The windshield frame

Bordered around scenery,

As a pretty picture of chaos

in cheap love with itself…

Officially lost in this labyrinth

Of black asphalt.

At it’s boiling point

All bubbled little spaces

Of our own.

 

The timeline was a dot, a single point,

From which atop I sat,

Confined to this present moment.

An empty seat beside me,

Cracked vinyl,

Haunting upholstery,

Phantom imprint.

 

Long moment of ambiguity,

Mystery behind the wheel,

Steering w/out navigating,

Behind a thousand layers of silence

I can hear your distant voice,

In a past hiding in the future.

 

Fatigued psyche, o’ brave soul

Exctract and review,

Under my microscope.

 

Headlights obscure my vision,

Somewhere on the outskirts,

Soft edges of another world,

Brushing against this space

In between.

 

Not an inkling of memory,

Nor figment of imagination,

Only stations of static

Coming through the radio.

 

 

 

Do you take this to have and to hold,

To soothe, distemper, lull, ease, lighten, uplift,

Inspire, motivate, entrance, envelope, bless, purify,

Modify, alter, teach, enlighten, remind, decorate, adorn,

Adjust, suggest, clarify, tune, hone, polish, cleanse,

Enrich, balance, nurture, maintain, evolve, expand,

Mystify, surprise, glorify, astound, astonish, amaze, baffle, challenge, stimulate, extrapolate, extract, unearth,

Reveal, honor, adore, confide, entrust, depend, rely, retreat, conspire, infuse, unite, complete, compliment,

Color, beautify, preserve, guard, justify, embellish, perfect, anoint, commemorate, congratulate, bestow, dedicate, co-sign, substitute, represent, tempt, coax, urge, compel, heed, listen, teach, learn, submit, dominate, lead, follow, entertain, satisfy, satiate, content, mediate, align, adjoin, sort out, tidy up, reassemble, fix, improve, idealize, experiment, attempt, test, instigate, insinuate, strengthen, brace, embrace, supervise, orchestrate, govern, mandate, regulate, advise, counsel, warn, alert, advert,….

 

 

 

 

 

There we were again, laughing painfully at the most absurd excuse for a human habitat we could ever dream nightmares of; the divine comedy, the tragic affair; angels wedding devils and beauty taken by the beast. Then the sad laughter subsided and the grim reality pulled up a chair in the bar. The air makes for short breath and the lighting recalls dark places. Those that have rolled their eyes too many times are going blind. Foresight is spiteful and pessimistic and dim. Such grandeur publicity stunts. The ultimate extreme sport arena, a breeding ground for oblivion. Mills of depravity and exploitation. Seeing double. Swerving, faultering, teetering on the brink, disoriented, obscured, desensitized, stupefied, and falling, falling down. Recklessness in full-effect.

 

 

Serenity is all the rage.

 

 

Twilight lighting slips through,

Fire falls from the blue,

Traffic lights in a trance,

We think the moon has a chance.

 

 

Cheerful bravado

 

Whirlwind of a day

 

You were a scream

 

Critically acclaimed

 

Filling me full of hot air

 

 

 

Applause for your stand-up performance,

Warn us next time you plan an antic,

Devise a schematic,

Employ the dramatics,

Or anything theatric.

 

 

Today the sun rose and a rooster crowed as a lawn was mowed while the water flowed, and I made a little paper boat and watched it float away with a grin. I thought about the moon when the day would come to an end, whereupon I would grow fangs, lose my mind, and embrace the sin.

 

 

I REMEMBER WHEN YOUR HEART WAS ALIVE,

AND THEN THE CURTAIN CLOSED,

YOU TOOK A BOW, TURNED STONE STATUE, AND POSED.

 

 

Butterfly in a battlefield.

 

 

 

Hats off to the population under control and inside of the illusion. Bravo to the society plagued with commercials, bad advice, and outright demands. Pat yourselves on the backs, dear friends of hoax and con, lie and deceit, and the demise you shall come to meet. Do take a fanciful, graceless bow, ungrateful ones..

Sivart