to alial

On 22 Jan 2016, at 11:24, Sivart <@gmail.com> wrote:

So it’s 2013 and I’m fairly happily involved with someone. We get along well. We don’t succumb to serious drama.
Then I message Laila. I tell her she’s cute.
Laila says, “I love you so much” in one of the third or fourth messages. I served. We volley. She spikes an “I love you so much.” And I love her so much for it.
Laila is a lot like me, in very particular and unique ways; ways no one else has ever fit before. – It’s almost strange.
It IS strange.
Laila has my lamp. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen another one and will most likely ever see again said lamp.

Lulu’s on the fucken moon.
Laila and I like each other.
I like Laila. I really do.
I never thought I’d find her but I do. We find each other.
Before long we understand we’ve known each other before. Long before, for a long, long time.
Laila and I are not stupid.
We know what we’re talking about.
I, nor my lovely newfound friend Laila don’t fantasize things. We corroborate information.
We observe, we analyze, we cross-reference.
We are not psychically or spiritually impaired.
We know what we’re talking about.
This is immense in your hearts as well as our minds. There really isn’t much doubt.
We don’t find twin flames around every corner.
Not at all.
So this is us…now……over a long distance at our keyboards and
screens.
screens.
Frankly, I am in love already with Laila.
I think Laila is in love with me.
We hear one another’s thoughts; we incidentally have what are no longer coincidences after the umpteenth time.
We are always opening the app at the same time; we are on the same wavelength, quite literally.
I’m amazed.
I’m relieved.
I’m in shock.
But I’m not surprised – I’ve known all along.
Laila too.
She’s the one but I’m confused.
It’s all so confusing….so….
Much.
I’m head over heels.
I pack up and I head out.
I fly to Sweden.
My girlfriend is gone. In basically one fell swoop, musical chairs change.
I’m on way to see Laila after much ado about something.
(These days it’s much ado about nothing.)
I meet Laila. I’m beside myself.
Laila is beautiful. Laila is….Laila. My soulmate.
I had all but given up on soulmates.
I kiss Laila.
I’m stunned. Out of my body. Agog.
We drive away.
Then we’re in bed. I adore her.
She’s bleeding all over the place.
The sheets are ruined.
Why should I have cared? Why did I give it any thought?
What was I thinking anyhow?
Am I her twin to her? Is she really mine?
I don’t remember.
And besides, I’ve never seen this body she now inhabits….this face. But she’s familiar. She reminds me of myself.
She’s beautiful.
I’m tired. I’m delirious and belly-aching from the longest plane ride of my fettered life.
She’s menstruating.
I’m cramping.
We seem to both be trying; not doing.
Laila tells me to just finish.
She says I’ve had a long plane ride.
Things get strange. Thoughts invade a space they don’t belong, by both of us.
Perhaps it’s me.
Maybe it’s her.
Maybe it’s both of us.
The mood darkens.
We walk and she stops.
Laila is not happy.
I’m not me.
She’s not her.
Fuck.
But I love her.
I’m confused.
So confused has my life been I don’t even know if I’m confused. THAT’S utter confusion.
But…
I’m sad.
She’s sad.
She’s mad. I’m mad.
My twin!
I can’t think straight.
I can’t feel straight!
Suddenly I’m on the other side of the world; top of that planet,
my life instantly altered entirely.
I left everything and everyone behind.
Why?
Because I love Laila. She’s her.
She’s my twin.
I don’t fuck around when it comes to that.
I would have created one in my mind long ago, or a handful in my mind.
No.
It’s Laila.
I wouldn’t have left it all behind otherwise.
Stockholm is cold and deserted and neither of us have a sense of
direction.
direction.
Didn’t matter…..but it did.